UTICA, NY—Art Schultz, better known as the Senpike Mall's Santa Claus, carried out the management-issued directive to push fine china dinnerware during dozens of two-minute lap sessions Monday. "Ho, ho, ho! Has Bobby been a good boy this year so Santa can bring him, a, uh, Wedgwood five-piece bone china setting in the timeless 'Crown Gold' pattern?" Schultz said to perplexed 5-year-old Robert Ullings. "Maybe if you're on your best behavior, and a big help to Mommy, Santa could bring you...a Lenox gravy boat!" Schultz bolstered his holiday messages by urging children to act now, as their good behavior could qualify their parents for a 10 percent discount on their first Nordstrom credit-card purchase.
More News in Brief
Everyone Forgets To Bring Swimsuits To Coworker’s Party
'What Are The Odds?' Pasty, Flabby Colleagues Say
ARLINGTON, TX—While gathered for a party at a coworker’s backyard pool Saturday, out-of-shape colleagues at Shuster, Layne & Associates were struck by the coincidence ...
Coworker Who Went To Gym This Morning A Chipper Little Fucker
BROOKLYN, NY—Running his hands through his freshly showered hair while hanging his backpack on the back of his chair, unbearably chipper little motherfucker Dave ...
Call From Daycare Can't Be Good
HARRISBURG, PA—Speculating that the rest of her day will now definitely take a turn for the worse, local mother Nicole Mendlow confirmed Friday that ...




0

