The secretary for Disney's head of corporate communications was arrested for attempting to sell business secrets—including a rumored sale of ABC—for the purposes of insider trading.

Here are some of the other secrets she was trying to sell:

  • Babies born in Disneyland stay in Disneyland
  • Pixar movies are now self-aware and have been animating themselves since Ratatouille
  • The Lion King on Broadway will be two-for-one in the spring of 2012!!!
  • Disney employs hundreds of thousands of undocumented enchanted broom workers
  • Recent market research shows awareness of Chip 'n' Dale highest among meth users
  • Tips for landing even the most elusive character autographs
  • Company covered up 1955 fairy-dust explosion that killed nine chemical imagineers
  • Location of Main Street, USA's secret glory hole