4LAS VEGAS—Boxing promoter Don King described himself as "outrighteously mesmerated" by a deli sandwich served to him at the Treasure Island Casino’s V.I.P. dining room Saturday. "The meatumental pastramification of this pumpernickelously toastified bread was augmenticized by slatherfication in sumptuous Switzerlander cheesiness," raved King following the meal, "and expertaciously mayonnaised by a condimental Hellmanifestation of sand-wich-Kraft-Miracle-Whiplash proportions that thrillified me down to my delicatesticles." King also praised the sandwich's generous helping of onions, lettuce, and pickles, offering its maker his "Undulatronic Spamboozled Donkey Kongratulations. Gumpzilla."
More News in Brief
Biden Investigated For Questionable Workers’ Comp Claim
WASHINGTON—Weeks after accepting a workers’ compensation settlement for a personal injury he purportedly sustained on the job, Vice President Joe Biden is under investigation ...
Gay Kid Excited To Be Made Fun Of For Second Thing
SUGAR LAND, TX—Shortly after reports surfaced today that the Boy Scouts of America had voted to lift its ban on gay youths, local homosexual ...
Man Eating McChicken Sandwich Can Tell McDonald's Switched Up Antibiotics
SEATTLE—Citing “subtle notes of ethambutol and clindamycin,” longtime McDonald’s customer Chris Hingle reported Thursday that he could discern from the taste of his ...
