Jackpot!
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Follow @TheOnion
Show/Hide Navigation
  • Video
  • Politics
  • Sports
  • Business
  • Science/Tech
  • Entertainment
  • Breaking
  • More
    • Video
    • Politics
    • Sports
    • Business
    • Science/Tech
    • Entertainment
    • Breaking

    Drugs In America

    Slideshow • Politics • drugs • ISSUE 45•21 • Jun 2, 2009
    • Facebook22
    • Twitter0
    • Google Plus1
    • 'Tony's Law' Would Require Marijuana Users To Inform Interested Neighbors

      WASHINGTON, DC—Citizens spoke before Congress Monday in support of Tony's Law, a Senate measure that would require all marijuana-law offenders to inform their neighbors if they're holding.
      1 of 10
    • Area Stoner Convinced Everyone On TV Also Stoned

      ATHENS, GA—In a highly stoned statement made while sitting around watching late-night cable TV with his roommates Tuesday, Athens-area stoner Dirk Udell announced his conviction that everyone on TV is also stoned.
      2 of 10
    • Meth Addicts Demand Government Address Nation's Growing Spider Menace

      WASHINGTON, DC—Activists called for federal assistance as a last resort after trying to contain the problem with diplomacy, cathode rays, and methamphetamines.
      3 of 10
    • Huge Quantities Of Primo Shit Incinerated By Feds

      LAKE ARROWHEAD, CA—A ton of people up and down the coast were seriously bumming Monday, when the Drug Enforcement Administration announced the seizure and destruction of huge quantities of seriously primo shit.
      4 of 10
    • Stoner Regales Friends With Tale Of This One Bong He Saw In Iowa City Once

      MINNEAPOLIS—Area stoner Mike Cudahy, his eyes a deep red from five years of near-continuous recreational marijuana use, regaled friends and neighbors Tuesday with half-remembered tales of this one amazing bong he saw in Iowa City once.
      5 of 10
    • Report: Your Favorite Player Took Steroids

      NEW YORK—Representatives from Major League Baseball, the National Football League, the National Basketball Association, the National Hockey League, and several other major sporting organizations announced Tuesday that a study conducted...
      6 of 10
    • Drug Paraphernalia Visible In Photo Of Missing Cat

      7 of 10
    • Stoner Architect Drafts All-Foyer Mansion

      MINNEAPOLIS–In the oft-overlooked field of stoner architecture, new talent often goes unnoticed. But that hasn't been the case for Minneapolis stoner architect Richard "Dick" Donovan, whose groundbreaking design for an all-foyer mansion is earning slack-jawed admiration from some of the most respected members of the Twin Cities stoner-architecture community.
      8 of 10
    • Everyone Involved In Pizza's Preparation, Delivery, Purchase Extremely High

      AUSTIN, TX–Everyone involved in the preparation, delivery, purchase and consumption of a pizza from Tony's New York-Style Pizzeria was thoroughly baked off his ass, it was reported Monday.
      9 of 10
    • DEA Chief: Winners Occasionally Use Drugs

      WASHINGTON, DC—In a surprise announcement with wide-ranging implications for U.S. narcotics policy, Drug Enforcement Administration director Thomas Constantine acknowledged Monday that some winners
      10 of 10
    • More Slideshows

      Start Over
      • Supreme Court

      • The Week In Review

      • The Week In Review

      • The Week In Review

      • Class In America

    Recently in Slideshow See More >

    Entertainment

    Lifestyle

    News

    Lifestyle

    Lifestyle

    News

    Recent News

    Gay Kid Excited To Be Made Fun Of For Second ThingRestaurant's Extreme Burger Challenge Moved Down To Regular MenuMan Eating McChicken Sandwich Can Tell McDonald's Switched Up AntibioticsKate Middleton Suffering From Morning SicknessObama Fed Grapes While Urging Press Conference To Enjoy OrgyWoman Who Cracked 3 Separate iPhone Screens Expecting Baby Boy This AugustLocal Mosque Only Rated 1.5 Stars On Yelp

    Recent Videos

    Obama Aims To Limit Civilian Casualties With Switch To Taser Drones

    Study: Anxiety Resolved By Thinking About It Real HardWeb Series Reaches 100 Views

    • Comedy: Podmass: David Sedaris describes his bath time, cicadas are explained, and Wompler returns

    • TV: Interview: Mitchell Hurwitz talks about the resurrection of Arrested Development

    • TV: What's On Tonight?: Orphan Black stands alone over a long holiday weekend

    • How to Traumatize Your Children Book

    • Assorted Headlines Pint Glasses

    • Cheat to Win Bracelet

    • Web Series Reaches 100 Views

    • Could Plastic Surgery Be Your Ticket To Employment? - Dr. Good - Ep. 2

    • The Best Of Today Now!: Fresh Roasted Cup Of News

    Follow The Onion

    Receive The Newsletter

    • Onion News Empire
    • The Onion Live!
    • Personals
    • FAQ
    • Contact Us
    • Jobs
    • Media Kit
    • Privacy Policy
    • Franchising
    • RSS & Apps

    The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. ©Copyright 2013 Onion Inc. All rights reserved