Alcohol is EVIL! Congratulations to The Onion’s DRUNK of the WEEK: MITCH MELUM
Mitch earned his place among Madison’s most honored drunks by head-butting an innocent Onion Operative. Way to use your head, Mitch! All the same, if you ever attack one of us again, rest assured you’ll feel the full wrath of our legal team’s mastery of personal-injury law.
Onion Operatives will be out at bar time to pick a new Drunk of the Week. Featured drunks receive a certiﬁate, two bucks, and a pizza from Falbo Bros. The Onion ofﬁially discourages the despicable practice of drinking alcohol.