It's snowing today and Abundant Life Christian Academy is the only one with the balls to stay open
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Follow @TheOnion
Show/Hide Navigation
  • Video
  • Politics
  • Sports
  • Business
  • Science/Tech
  • Entertainment
  • Breaking
  • More
    • Video
    • Politics
    • Sports
    • Business
    • Science/Tech
    • Entertainment
    • Breaking

    Environmental Awareness

    Slideshow • Science & Technology • ISSUE 44•27 • Dec 18, 2008
    • Facebook29
    • Twitter0
    • Google Plus0
    • Fall Canceled After 3 Billion Seasons

      WASHINGTON, DC—Autumn, which had been slotted between summer and winter, will be replaced by stifling humidity, constant sunshine, and little precipitation.
      1 of 10
    • Heroic PETA Commandos Kill 49, Save Rabbit

      NORFOLK, VA—In what has been dubbed the most
      2 of 10
    • Beaver Overthinking Dam

      HUNTSVILLE, ONTARIO—Not content with functionalism, beaver Dennis Messner strives for integration-minded post-modernism.
      3 of 10
    • Millions Of Plants Sent From Nation's Garden Departments To Their Deaths

      4 of 10
    • Nameless Hurricane That Much More Terrifying

      MIAMI—Thousands have already fled the popularly dubbed "Hurricane That Shall Not Be Named," to escape its destructive winds and chilling impersonality.
      5 of 10
    • Bush Urges Expanded Drilling Of Alaskan Wildlife

      WASHINGTON, DC—The president reminded Congress Tuesday of the estimated 9.3 billion barrels of drillable bear, elk, and musk ox
      6 of 10
    • Nation's Snowmen March Against Global Warming

      WASHINGTON, DC—Millions of scarfless snowmen gathered in Washington to protest global warming, which has caused many of them to melt before their time.
      7 of 10
    • Vatican Tightens Nocturnal Emissions Standards

      VATICAN CITY—The Vatican has released a strict new set of Church laws intended to reduce the nocturnal emissions of teenage polluters by 50 percent in the next decade, Cardinal Antoni Bertoli announced Monday.
      8 of 10
    • Deciding Vote On Wetlands Preservation Bill Rests With The Littlest Senator

       WASHINGTON, DC—Congress narrowly passed the McCann-Hawkins Florida Wetlands Preservation Bill Tuesday, with the deciding vote coming from an unlikely source: Sen. Dwight Q. Peabody (D-RI), the Littlest Senator.
      9 of 10
    • Picture Of Lemur Printed For No Goddamned Reason

      10 of 10
    • More Slideshows

      Start Over
      • Politics 2008 In Review

      • Dating

      • The Week In Review

      • The Week In Review

      • The Week In Review

    Recently in Slideshow See More >

    RELIGION

    LIFESTYLE

    LIFESTYLE

    NEWS

    SPORTS

    ENTERTAINMENT

    Recent News

    Nation Currently More Sympathetic To Demise Of Planet Krypton Than Plight Of SyriaNew Documentary To Finally Shed Light On Nation’s Fast Food ChainsAfter One Realizes Methadone Clinic Nearby, Behavior Around City Block Makes SenseEcstatic American Indians Praise 'The Lone Ranger'Fully Leveled-Up Video Game Character Marvels At How Far He's ComeAudience At Press Conference Relieved To Hear Steps Will Be TakenKidnapping Going Pretty Smoothly

    Recent Videos

    Will Season Four Of ‘Downton Abbey’ Finally Show The Wizards Using Their Powers?

    The Onion Looks Back At 'The Wizard Of Oz'Single Woman Has Facebook Profile Picture With Sister

    • Games: The Gameological Society: Microsoft announces that you ingrates can have your used Xbox One games after all, if you shut up about it already

    • Film: Newswire: Fifty Shades Of Grey finally finds a director who understands its sexual needs

    • Film: Newswire: Today in Star Wars rumors: Casting breakdown reveals all the hot people who will be in new Star Wars

    • I Hate Whatever Today Is Mug

    • WTF Stamp

    • Bi-Curious George: An Unauthorized Parody

    • How To Survive Being Shot Point Blank In The Chest - Dr. Good - Ep 7.

    • Will Season Four Of 'Downton Abbey' Finally Show The Wizards Using Their Powers?

    • A.V. Undercover: Alpine Covers Radiohead

    Follow The Onion

    Receive The Newsletter

    • Personals
    • FAQ
    • Contact Us
    • Jobs
    • Media Kit
    • Privacy Policy
    • Franchising
    • RSS & Apps

    The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. ©Copyright 2013 Onion Inc. All rights reserved