-
  • Indianapolis Colts Somehow Wind Up With Exact Same Coaching Staff
  • Most Clippers Fans Still Have No Idea Team Is Doing Well
  • Novak Djokovic Signs Endorsement Deal With Serbia's Top Brand Of Luxury Goats
  • Nation's Telephone Conversation Fans Thrilled By Long-Awaited Mayweather-Pacquiao Phone Call
  • Controversial GoDaddy.com Super Bowl Commercial To Feature Scantily Clad Woman Performing Late-Term Abortion
  • Brandon Marshall Proves What He’s Capable Of If Defenses Play At 50 Percent

Sports News in Brief

Evander Holyfield Claims His Quest For Severe Brain Damage Keeps Him Fighting

December 4, 2008 | ISSUE 44•49

ATLANTA—Forty-six-year-old heavyweight boxer Evander Holyfield, who has taken hundreds of blows to the head in a career spanning more than 50 professional matches, told reporters Wednesday that he wouldn't stop fighting until a neurological examination reveals that he has acute brain damage. "When I can no longer speak clearly, or remember where I'm from, or what I what I what what, then I'll know it's time to hang up the gloves, but until then I think I want spaghetti for dinner with mushrooms and rubber-band sauce," said Holyfield, adding that his Dec. 20 bout with Russian Nikolai Valuev should put him one step closer to his dream of suffering irreparable tearing and lesions of the brain, and that he likes really big Ferris wheels. "I'm close. I can feel it—the tingling sensation in my hands, the bright lights that hurt my eyes. Maybe a few more [fights] after this one. Okay, Mom, I'm going to bed now. Bye-bye." Holyfield then rubbed the top of his right ear and asked reporters, "What the hell happened here?"

The Onion

[x] Click to close

© Copyright 2012, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.