WASHINGTON, DC—Ever since his divorce from his wife of 22 years became final in June, Rep. Chuck Brunet (R-NC) sees "Mary's face in every piece of legislation" that comes across his desk, the Oklahoma lawmaker told reporters Tuesday.

"I couldn't even bring myself to vote on the farm-subsidy bill last week," said Brunet, who has reportedly missed more than half a dozen House votes on similar bills because they "remind [him] of the times we went apple picking." "And every time that net neutrality motion comes up in subcommittee, I think of all those e-mails she used to send me. Oh God, Mary!"

Capitol Hill sources say Brunet led a filibuster against increased funding for the Federal Aviation Administration earlier this month because his ex-wife met her current boyfriend on a flight to Atlanta.