Albert Pujols: Expect a huge regression this year, with Pujols putting up a .322 average, a dismal 47 home runs, and a paltry 136 RBIs

Hanley Ramirez: Though he's the reigning NL Rookie of the Year, he has been politely asked by MLB to do poorly this season, as there are already two great players named Ramirez and that's confusing enough for fans as it is

Ryan Howard: Many are predicting another 50-homer season from this Phillies slugger, but if you draft him, he'll probably get injured or forget how to hit just like all the players you picked last year

Mark Prior: Now that he's finally back and healthy, look for this Cubs phenom to win 20 games, post 250-plus strikeouts, and—wait, he just broke his arm waterskiing nine minutes ago

Randy Johnson: Could be a monster year for Johnson, especially with the Diamondbacks ace scheduled to pitch 162 games

Gary Sheffield: As the Tigers' new DH, Sheffield now only has to half-ass one job

Barry Bonds: You want to win, right? Nobody has proven anything, so it's not cheating if you pick him. Sometimes you have to do whatever it takes to get to that next level

Robin Yount: Trust us on this one