WASHINGTON—The Food and Drug Administration announced Friday that it has approved an increase in the recommended dosage of acetaminophen for children who can hack it. "Our research shows there is a growing number of 2-year-olds out there who are fully able to keep their shit together and hang with the big boys," FDA commissioner Margaret Hamburg said. "Just because some toddlers evidently can't walk the walk doesn't mean that other children should be forced to settle for some pussy little 320 milligrams dose when they could easily handle 960 milligrams if it came down to it. "The three-fold increase of the previously recommended dosage reportedly came about after an FDA researcher accidentally gave her nephew more than she should have and he was totally fine.