Although The Onion did not make any mistakes in yesterday's newspaper, we still have to fill this space with text lest we leave a glaring blank section. Therefore, when you think about it, our flawlessness is an error in itself.
More Corrections
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Last Tuesday, The Onion accidentally printed a photo of a nun feeding an apple to a horse everywhere a photo belonged.
The Birthday Girl
An article yesterday repeatedly referred to Hillary Clinton as “the birthday girl.” This was unprofessional and entirely inaccurate.
We're So Sorry
The Onion apologizes for its failure to meet the oh-so-high editorial standards of a genius such as yourself.



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