Although The Onion did not make any mistakes in yesterday's newspaper, we still have to fill this space with text lest we leave a glaring blank section. Therefore, when you think about it, our flawlessness is an error in itself.
The Onion apologizes for its failure to meet the oh-so-high editorial standards of a genius such as yourself.
The headline of Tuesday's article about homegrown terrorism was not as alarmist as it could have been.
After defending Cindy for years, The Onion finally realized she’s no good. You were right.