GAINSVILLE, FL—The University of Florida Gators confirmed Monday that former fat Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis will leave the NFL to become their fat offensive coordinator and fat quarterbacks coach. "Not only does he have fat coaching experience at a major college, but he earned four fat Super Bowl rings and really has a knack for running a complex offense while fat," Florida head coach Will Muschamp said at a press conference. "His fat coaching style really complements our new staff, which now includes medium-sized defensive coordinator Dan Quinn and tiny little offensive-line coach Frank Verducci." Muschamp added that he thinks the fat Weis will fit in perfectly with Florida's drug-addled football team of dipshit criminals.