Hurricane-force pollen count
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Follow @TheOnion
Show/Hide Navigation
  • Video
  • Politics
  • Sports
  • Business
  • Science/Tech
  • Entertainment
  • Breaking
  • More
    • Video
    • Politics
    • Sports
    • Business
    • Science/Tech
    • Entertainment
    • Breaking

    Friday, August 10

    Community Calendar • Local • ISSUE 48•32 • Aug 8, 2012
    • Facebook1
    • Twitter21
    • Google Plus0

    Between 8 a.m. and 3 p.m., American Legion Post 501 invites you to lie down on a vinyl cot while a nursing school trainee repeatedly pokes a needle in your arm in an effort to extract your blood, which will be donated to someone you don’t know.

    Recent News

    Two People Who Went To Same College Ruin Evening For Rest Of GroupEdward Snowden’s Life Just Flat-Out Fun And ExcitingAsshole Awarded For Asshole Behavior By Business Community LeadersGrown Adult Walks Right Into Karate StudioWoman Apparently Wants To Smell EdibleFans Of Green Screens, Incredibly Fake-Looking Things Express Love For Modern CinemaBashar Al-Assad Introduces Syrian Bike-Sharing Program

    Recent Videos

    Fans Flock To Lollapalooza To See All Of The Biggest Brands

    Report: Economy Just One Speech Away From RecoveryNation Just Wants To Be Safe, Happy, Rich, Comfortable, Entertained At All Times 

    • Music: Newswire: Jack White's ex-wife slaps him with a restraining order, calls him an unfit parent

    • Music: Newswire: The members of Gogol Bordello are suing frontman Eugene Hutz for some pretty shady (alleged) stuff

    • TV: Newswire: Ellen DeGeneres to host, dance at next year's Oscars

    • WTF Desktop NotePad

    • Kitten Thinks of Nothing But Murder Magnet

    • "I'm a Douche" Coffee Mug

    • Report: Economy Just One Speech Away From Recovery

    • Nation Just Wants To Be Safe, Happy, Rich, Comfortable, Entertained At All Times

    • A.V. Club Pop Pilgrims: We visit the photo-shoot site that's become a monument to Elliott Smith

    Follow The Onion

    Receive The Newsletter

    • Personals
    • FAQ
    • Contact Us
    • Jobs
    • Media Kit
    • Privacy Policy
    • Franchising
    • RSS & Apps

    The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. ©Copyright 2013 Onion Inc. All rights reserved