We'll worry about the weather, you just concentrate on you
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Follow @TheOnion
Show/Hide Navigation
  • Video
  • Politics
  • Sports
  • Business
  • Science/Tech
  • Entertainment
  • Breaking
  • More
    • Video
    • Politics
    • Sports
    • Business
    • Science/Tech
    • Entertainment
    • Breaking
    Sports Newswire • sports • ISSUE 48•43 • Oct 20, 2012
    • Facebook0
    • Twitter1
    • Google Plus0

    Fullback Disappointed To Learn He Didn't Get Lead Blocker In Upcoming Play

    More Sports Newswire

    Little League Down To Only 2 Baseballs

    Glenn Rivers Secretly Hoping His 'Doc' Nickname Won't Follow Him To LA Clippers

    Athlete 2 Feet Shorter, 160 Pounds Heavier Than Listed

    Recent News

    Apparently Facebook Friend Under Impression Ron Paul Still Running For Major Federal Office16-Year-Old Excited To Have Whole Summer To Plan Shooting For Next School YearFossilized Evidence Reveals Spazosaurus Was Largest Doofus To Ever Roam EarthAmerican Dental Association Recommends Making Your Gums Hurt Really Bad Once A DayNew Michael Bay Romantic Comedy To Focus On Love Story Between 2 ExplosionsProgressive Charter School Doesn’t Have StudentsScientists Find Link Between How Pathetic You Are, How Fast You Respond To Emails

    • TV: TV Club: Being Mary Jane

    • TV: TV Club: Nine For IX -- Venus Vs.

    • TV: Emmy This!: The weird, wonderful music of Bob's Burgers

    • Bi-Curious George: An Unauthorized Parody

    • WTF Stamp

    • Cheat To Win Bracelet

    • Sesame Street: 'Bert And Ernie Are Not Gay, They Are Depraved Pansexual Perverts

    • A.V. Undercover: Machester Orchestra Covers Faces' "Ohh La La"

    • New Wearable Computer Also Sucks Your Dick

    Follow The Onion

    Receive The Newsletter

    • Personals
    • FAQ
    • Contact Us
    • Jobs
    • Media Kit
    • Privacy Policy
    • Franchising
    • RSS & Apps

    The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. ©Copyright 2013 Onion Inc. All rights reserved