DETROIT—The General Motors Corporation announced Monday that it has covered its main production plant with a 500,000-square-foot blue tarp until it can get some revenue together to work on its cars again. "The rear-axle assembly line is all out of whack, and the carburetor department needs a complete rebuild," CEO G. Richard Wagoner, Jr. said while wiping his hands with an oily rag. "It's going to be at least a $50 billion job. Goddamn piece of shit American car industry." According to Wagoner, the automotive giant spent its last $18 on cinder blocks to help secure the tarp.