ROCKFORD, IL—Despite ostensibly being a boy, local grandson Eric Detweiler, 17, has long hair just like a girl’s, his grandfather reported Wednesday. “Well, I don’t know, people tell me I have a grandson, but I sure as hell don’t remember him having a big head of girl hair,” 72-year-old George Detweiler said in a raised voice and well within earshot of the teenager, who according to reports apparently divides his time nowadays between dressing like a jackass and screwing around with his weirdo, similarly girl-haired friends. “Can you believe it? And his mother and father actually let him run around like this, all dolled up like a prom queen. My own parents never let me go four weeks without a proper haircut, but then again, I was a boy, not a girl like my granddaughter here.” The elder Detweiler added that come Christmastime, he supposed he would have no choice but to buy his grandson a pretty red dress and a brand-new pony.