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    Newswire • Local • ISSUE 49•24 • Jun 15, 2013
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    Guy Who Thinks He Outran Gorilla Decides To Casually Lean Elbow Against Big Furry Rock

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    Juggler's Medication Wears Off Halfway Through Routine

    Sudden Crashing Sound From Kitchen Followed By Elaborate Clattering, Slowly Decreasing In Volume Until Single Revolving Plate Comes To Stop

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