The holidays are a traditional time for overindulgence in alcohol. Here are some of the more common hangover cures:

• Take a shower; it will feel pretty good, and when you throw up in there, you have less cleaning to do
• Side two of Billy Joel's The Nylon Curtain
• Upon waking up, text "ughhhhhh" to anyone you saw the night before
• Smoke every salvageable cigarette dangling from ashtray
• Percocet, fresh-squeezed orange juice, The Wire
• Smash some raw eggs on the ground. It will not help your hangover, but it's fun, and the most important thing in life is fun
• Beat self up over missed chances, lost opportunities, broken promises; eat more pie
• Inject electrolyte solution directly into each cell that hurts