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    Health & Wellness

    Slideshow • healthcare • ISSUE 44•38 • Jan 1, 2010
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    • Doctors Give Area Man Six Months To Pay

      CARBONDALE, IL—Doctors at Southern Illinois Hospital confirmed Monday that Dale Monfort, a 39-year-old lymphatic-cancer sufferer who underwent emergency surgery last week, has just six months to pay.
      1 of 10
    • New Prescription-Only Sandwich Extra Delicious

      NEW YORK—Pfizer formally introduced Hoagizine, a pharmaceutical-grade Turkey-Bacon-Guacamole Melt.
      2 of 10
    • Dog Urine Lowers Heart-Attack Risk, Say Snickering Researchers

      BALTIMORE—A team of researchers at Johns Hopkins University have found a link between the consumption of dog urine and the decreased likelihood of heart attacks, team leaders announced Tuesday in cracking, uneven voices.
      3 of 10
    • Proud Cystic-Fibrosis Foundation Doesn't Need Your Charity

      AITKIN, MN—A Dream To Breathe Foundation reasserted its status as a
      4 of 10
    • Cases Of Glitter Lung On The Rise Among Elementary-School Art Teachers

      CHICAGO—The classroom disease is characterized by a lack of creative energy and twinkly, reflective mucus.
      5 of 10
    • French's Introduces Antibacterial Mustard

      ROCHESTER, NY—In response to increasing American demand for tangier,  more hygienic meals, condiment giant French's has introduced a new antibacterial mustard.
      6 of 10
    • U.S. Launches AIDS-Awareness Campaign In Botswana: 'You All Have AIDS,' Says U.S.

      FRANCISTOWN, BOTSWANA—Officials and volunteers from the U.S.-based AIDS Awareness Organization began an aggressive campaign Monday to inform the citizens of Botswana that they are afflicted with AIDS.
      7 of 10
    • Make-A-Wish Recipient Now Wishes Macho Man Randy Savage Would Go Away

      PHOENIX—The two-time WWF Champion's unending boasts and product plugs proved
      8 of 10
    • Hypothetical Multi-Ethnic Customer Base Smiles Down From HMO Billboard

      9 of 10
    • Doctor Trying To Get Unemployed Friend A Doctor Job

      ALBANY, NY—"We have plenty of doctor-types around here already," said Dr. Richard Grafton, who called his newly jobless friend a "fast learner."
      10 of 10
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