With Michael Jordan turning 50 on February 17, Onion Sports examines the greatest moments from the former NBA superstar’s private life. 

  • 1969: Upon witnessing a group of neighborhood kids play a pickup basketball game, a 6-year-old Jordan begins his lifelong love affair with gambling
  • 1985: In a flash of inspiration before the NBA season, Jordan decides to call his new shoes “Air Jordans” after the atmospheric gas that enables him to breathe during games
  • 1990s: Uses worldwide fame to promote American values of hyper-competitiveness and egomania
  • 1993: Works with video game developer Midway on alternate version of NBA Jam in which he is the only playable character
  • July 1993: Wins $2,000,000 bet that his father would be murdered at a rest area
  • 1995: 5-year-old son Jeffrey scores his first-ever basket in the driveway, after which Jordan goes on an unstoppable 184-0 run against him
  • 1996: Saves planet from near collapse at the hands of basketball-playing aliens, a haunting experience he later turned into an introspective, critically acclaimed independent film
  • 2006: Completes first-ever infidelity three-peat
  • 2009: During his NBA Hall of Fame speech, Jordan finally calls out Pat Riley, Jeff Van Gundy, Bryon Russell, and some guy who cut him off in traffic in 1987
  • 2010-2012: Plays for Charlotte Bobcats under the pseudonym Gerald Henderson