Barack Obama was sworn in for a second term as president of the United States Monday, amid a day of pomp, parades, and performances in Washington, D.C. Here are some of the highlights of the daylong festivities:

• 12:00 a.m.–11:59 p.m.: Secret Service freaking out
• 8:42 a.m.: First of many decisions by an onlooker to just go, right here, rather than lose his spot
• 9:58 a.m.: Half-shaved Obama tears down White House stairs after having slept through alarm
• 10:21 a.m.: Mitt Romney lets out a momentary sigh in between pulling up his first and second pant leg
• 11:15 a.m.: Vice President Biden sworn in on 1991 Playboy featuring the Barbi Twins
• 12:30 p.m.: Tank filled to brim with stew is rolled out for all in attendance
• 1:30 p.m.: Presidential dog, Bo, barks national anthem
• 2:11 p.m.: Obama jumps on trampoline, dunks Bible through hoop with red, white, and blue net
• 5:18 p.m.: Vice President Biden’s blackout begins