With the power invested in him as honorary tournament chairman, Arnold Palmer declares himself the winner of the 2007 U.S. Open

After missing his first putt on the practice green, David Duval packs up and leaves

Roger Federer shows up ready to go; leaves half an hour later feeling like a complete asshole

Meanwhile, as his peers play in the sport's greatest championship, John Daly is reduced to playing golf against a trained horse in Nashville for beer money and cigarettes

Gallery applauds Oakmont Golf Course for being so entertainingly difficult to golf on

After spraining his wrist hitting out of Oakmont's rough in a practice round, Phil Mickelson snaps his spinal cord after attempting to hit out of a sand trap

Tiger Woods' bright red shirt allows TV viewers to easily recognize him

Vijay Singh shoots grumpiest 14-over in U.S. Open history 

Top-notch coverage and insightful post-game interviews reveal that Woods and Cabrera were unhappy and happy, respectively, with the outcome of the tournament