BETHEL PARK, PA— Local resident Randy Paltz's two-year home-brewing phase finally
came to its long-overdue conclusion Tuesday. "Thank God, it's over at last,"
said Andrea Longo, girlfriend of the 33-year-old beer aficionado. "Every few weeks,
he'd make a big production about his latest 'Paltz's Signature Brew.' It all tasted the
same—like really thick, shitty beer." Friend Tim Traschel also expressed relief,
saying, "Now I can actually go to his house and bring some Michelob without getting a
lecture about the low quality of hops in commercial beers."