Horoscope for the week of April 28, 1999

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Aries You will discover an unfortunate downside to eating too many of those scrumptious, non-fat sleeping pills.

Taurus Your attempt to get your own chapter in the history books will provide an interesting case study for the medical books.

Gemini Gemini is ready for bar or beach in a kicky tanktop (Diesel, $77), buff khaki cargo shorts (Gap, $33) and sporty surf sandals (Dolce & Gabbana, $105).

Cancer You can’t shake the feeling that there should be more to life than "On with the pants, off with the pants" all day long.

Leo You are delighted to discover that there is something between the tits and ass.

Virgo After a year-long drinking binge, you suddenly come to in Times Square wearing a suit, holding a briefcase and making millions in arbitrage.

Libra The solution to all your problems can be found by reading the mistranslated myths of a stone-age desert nomad tribe.

Scorpio Your love of a good chicken dinner only deepens when you taste a chicken that’s been both plucked and cooked.

Sagittarius The simultaneous invention of the stirrup, saddle and recurved bow make this a good week for you and the rest of your Mongol horde.

Capricorn Mars in your sign indicates conflict and change. That, or it was getting tired of hanging out in that boring old Scorpio place.

Aquarius Don’t be afraid to follow your dreams— even the ones in which the kitchen table grows jagged teeth and chases you around while shrieking Keats poems.

Pisces Your decision to spend a year in Israel comes as a great relief to every other nation on Earth.

More Horoscope

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