Aries You are loyal, friendly, and an excellent companion. This is not because you are an Aries, but because you are a purebred Sealyham Terrier.
Taurus Try to take the long view: No matter how bad things are right now, you'll be dead in a hundred years.
Gemini You will enjoy a brief moment of national exposure when Fox launches its new series, Geminis Caught On Tape!
Cancer Be careful what you wish for this week. You won't get it, but it never hurts to be careful.
Leo You are a person who marches to the beat of thousands of identical drummers.
Virgo You will be forced to wrest control of your life from others next week. Until then, stay home and practice your wresting.
Libra You will expand your consciousness to encompass the Music Of The Spheres, only to realize it consists entirely of circus marches.
Scorpio You will be faced with a cosmic revelation which you are unable to fully comprehend. Don't worry, though: You can always rent it again.
Sagittarius The stars, arranged as they are in a portentous and mystic combination existing only at this precise moment in time, indicate that this is not a good week to start new projects.
Capricorn Try harder to make yourself understood by others this week by speaking louder and more slowly.
Aquarius This is no time to sit idly by and let others exercise their will over you, but that's exactly what you'll do.
Pisces Not everyone harbors a feeling of icy hatred towards you. Some people's hatred is actually quite fiery.
0