Aries You will soon learn that it takes more to make a man a doctor than a sharp set of steak knives and a degree from a truck-driving school.
Taurus No one can communicate effectively without the right tools, so make sure you have a good set of bench, shoulder and block planes.
Gemini Take things day by day this week, even if you have the ability to exist outside of time.
Cancer Nobody likes a tattle-tale, but all the world loves a lover. Split the difference by tattling on your lovers.
Leo Please quit asking your friends and family if somebody said "McDonald's."
Virgo Fire and air magicks are strong in Virgo this week, which should be all the hint you need to avoid air travel.
Libra Though you have a hard time believing you were switched at birth, your resemblance to your alleged littermates is undeniable.
Scorpio Despite the testimony of witnesses, the preponderance of compelling evidence, and the fact that it all seems to fit, no one will buy your theory on JFK's suicide.
Sagittarius If you don't overcome your fears and tell your spouse how much you love him, you'll burst. Next week, you will actually burst.
Capricorn You will be blindsided by a disaster that any decent system for predicting the future should have been able to warn you about.
Aquarius Trouble looms at work when your office romance turns into an office murder mystery.
Pisces While it's true that you won't win any beauty contests, take heart: At least you're not one of those brainiacs, either.