• Aries You will soon learn that it takes more to make a man a doctor than a sharp set of steak knives and a degree from a truck-driving school.
  • Taurus No one can communicate effectively without the right tools, so make sure you have a good set of bench, shoulder and block planes.
  • Gemini Take things day by day this week, even if you have the ability to exist outside of time.
  • Cancer Nobody likes a tattle-tale, but all the world loves a lover. Split the difference by tattling on your lovers.
  • Leo Please quit asking your friends and family if somebody said "McDonald's."
  • Virgo Fire and air magicks are strong in Virgo this week, which should be all the hint you need to avoid air travel.
  • Libra Though you have a hard time believing you were switched at birth, your resemblance to your alleged littermates is undeniable.
  • Scorpio Despite the testimony of witnesses, the preponderance of compelling evidence, and the fact that it all seems to fit, no one will buy your theory on JFK's suicide.
  • Sagittarius If you don't overcome your fears and tell your spouse how much you love him, you'll burst. Next week, you will actually burst.
  • Capricorn You will be blindsided by a disaster that any decent system for predicting the future should have been able to warn you about.
  • Aquarius Trouble looms at work when your office romance turns into an office murder mystery.
  • Pisces While it's true that you won't win any beauty contests, take heart: At least you're not one of those brainiacs, either.