Horoscope for the week of February 23, 2000

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Aries Though you've been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn't kill you, the coroner's report will contain evidence to the contrary.

Taurus You're in for an unpleasant surprise when you break society's unwritten rule against murder.

Gemini Gemini969 World Series MVP Donn Clendenon would like to have a word with you about his disappointing experience as your childhood sports hero.

Cancer You know full well what's going to happen this week: You'll get a job or this relationship is over.

Leo The Bureau of Zodiac Affairs has decided to reserve the star-sign Leo for Native Americans. Please be ready to provide proof of heritage.

Virgo The coming of spring means it may finally be time to let the long, lonely trick-or-treat come to an end.

Libra You will achieve a sort of fame after being featured on the History Channel's Great Masturbators Of The 1980s.

Scorpio Despite your best efforts, Portugal still has only the 33rd highest per-capita gross domestic product.

Sagittarius The stars say you are handsome, smart, and their new best friend, but two seconds later, they ask to borrow your car.

Capricorn When planning your week's schedule, don't forget about the part between Tuesday and Friday.

Aquarius Resolve to finish projects this week. This is no time to stop halfway up the Space Needle with a backpack full of high explosives and Jell-O.

Pisces The stars apologize for always getting to you last, but you're by far the least important.

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