Horoscope for the week of February 28, 2001

Horoscope ISSUE 37•07 Feb 28, 2001
  • Aries You will be surprised to learn that even refrigerators can burn if they manage to get hot enough.
  • Taurus You've always thought the difference between you and other people was your uncommon empathy, but it turns out it's the tentacles.
  • Gemini Your insistence on wearing a helmet every time you ride your bike turns out to be smart in light of your wishes for an open-casket funeral.
  • Cancer You knew that the veins in the human body, stretched end-to-end, would reach from L.A. to Tokyo, but it's still impressive to see it firsthand.
  • Leo You will learn from bitter experience that it's not a good idea to ask certain people how they're doing.
  • Virgo You will have your name immortalized for future generations on a fancy plaque after perishing in next Sunday's O'Hare Airport disaster.
  • Libra Though New York still refuses to award you the keys to the city, the citizens of Cleveland have seen fit to tell you their locker combination.
  • Scorpio You have blossomed following a period of unprecedented spiritual and emotional growth. Now, however, it is time for a lot of injudicious pruning.
  • Sagittarius You've listened to it over and over, but you still fail to see how Frampton is supposed to "come alive."
  • Capricorn Your irrational fear of doctors will finally disappear this week and be replaced by a very rational, justified fear of them.
  • Aquarius You will wish you had heeded your mother's warnings concerning pickle consumption when you suddenly turn into one of the briny cucumbers.
  • Pisces You're beginning to think that, though it seemed satisfying at the time, perhaps voting for Nader was not the most politically astute thing you've done.