Horoscope for the week of March 8, 2000

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Aries Your refusal to observe the dress code at work may soon get you fired. Perhaps you should admit that one doesn't need a suit and tie to wash dishes.

Taurus You will be forced to leave the army in disgrace when it is discovered that you never enlisted and are not actually a soldier.

Gemini Further FAA investigation of the airplane's black box will still be unable to detect anything but your off-key whistling of "O Canada."

Cancer Take some time out for yourself this week. Two or three minutes will do, as you really aren't worth much more.

Leo You will gain insight into an exciting new dimension, thanks to a pair of red-and-blue-lensed cardboard spectacles.

Virgo That spare tire around your midsection isn't going away by itself. Invest in a quality set of tire irons.

Libra You will be devastated when a New York Times editorial says you have "yet to convince voters that you have a true passion for seeking the presidency."

Scorpio The end is in sight. Only one final step remains before you can truly be called a martyr.

Sagittarius Though you are a drug czar, you are not, in fact, Barry McCaffrey, the official U.S. drug czar.

Capricorn There is not a person alive who can't beat you at tic-tac-toe.

Aquarius The stars see great tragedy in your future, unless you become more generous with contributions to the Zodiac Widows & Orphans Fund.

Pisces You will be gripped by the delusional suspicion that all of your closest friends on TV are actually just actors in some far-off studio.

More Horoscope

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Horoscope for the week of March ... » (March 15, 2000)

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