Aries Narrow-mindedness and jealousy on the part of your coworkers will lead them to denounce your neckties.
Taurus All of your hard work and planning will come to nothing if you don't remember to wipe your prints off the tire iron.
Gemini Even the mighty Ozymandias was brought low by time. If possible, live your life without this mysterious phenomenon.
Cancer Cancer and the StarCrab logo are the property of Zodiacorp Enterprises and may not be used without the company's express written permission.
Leo Though you appreciate the undergarment-related efforts of Inspector 12, it's unsettling when her little sticker starts showing up all over your house.
Virgo Your attempt to revolutionize the world of art backfires when you realize that people have been photographing naked ladies for years.
Libra Your outgoing nature, sweet temperament, and love of family are in no way evident outside of your description as a Libra.
Scorpio Though you've tried to impose your full will upon them, you still lack control over the inhabitants of your aquarium.
Sagittarius It's not true that no one hears your cries for help. They hear and ignore your cries for help.
Capricorn Your plan to put on a fun dance show to raise money will save your financially threatened strip club.
Aquarius Earth magick is strong in your sign this week. You know, if there were such a thing as shit magick, it'd probably be pretty strong in your sign, too.
Pisces It's true that Pisces is a water sign, but that won't help you survive the crushing black depths of the Marianas Trench.
0