Horoscope for the week of November 19, 2003

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Aries You fail to understand the primordial mystery of the funk: You can still have it no matter how many times you give it up.

Taurus You'll win the lottery, but it's not one of those cool lotteries that decides who lives and who dies.

Gemini Your theory that everyone looks good in pantsuits should probably be amended to include recent data obtained by your mirror.

Cancer Your habit of falling back on arguments of constitutionality during every debate won't help decide whose turn it is to take the garbage out.

Leo It has been said that power is the ultimate aphrodisiac, but there are other reasons why Jenny is sleeping with her assistant manager and not you.

Virgo You're aware that life isn't a nice, sweet fairy tale. That said, it's about time you get to the sex and drugs.

Libra There are some vital, useful ideas in Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged, but you shouldn't apply them to home decorating.

Scorpio You're proud to have been cited by several important scientists, even if it was as an example of the potential "gray goo" problems in nanotechnology.

Sagittarius Everyone has potentially fatal flaws, but yours involve a love of soldiers' wives, an insatiable thirst for whiskey, and the seven weak points in your left ventricle.

Capricorn It's not too late for you to learn new tricks in the bedroom, but it's too sad and disgusting to even think about.

Aquarius All things considered, you have a hard time believing that on-base percentage alone could be the answer to success in baseball.

Pisces There's no law that tells people whom they can and can't love in this world, but you're doing everything in your power to convince legislators to change that.

More Horoscope

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Horoscope for the week of December ... » (December 3, 2003)

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