Horoscope for the week of November 7, 2001

Horoscope ISSUE 37•40 Nov 7, 2001
  • Aries Life is just a big joke to you, which wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't the one about the chicken crossing the road.
  • Taurus You will spend virtually all of your money, time, and effort before learning that fashion is not very important.
  • Gemini The famous saying actually says that golf is "a good walk spoiled," not "a waste of time and an annoyance to the pig." Let the poor pig out of your golf bag.
  • Cancer It's not easy being a loving, giving, trusting person in this world. On the other hand, it's no picnic working in advertising, either.
  • Leo Don't worry too much about what tomorrow may bring, as nobody can tell the future. Except the stars, of course, and they aren't telling.
  • Virgo People who say you drive like your car is an extension of your penis have never seen your brain-surgery work.
  • Libra The ancient Greeks tell us that there were two basic forms of human love, eros and agape. But, apparently, they told you something different.
  • Scorpio You will score a major victory at work when you're able to produce documentation proving that the appropriate person has died and made you God.
  • Sagittarius Try to listen more carefully and openly to what other people think, even if they're completely wrong.
  • Capricorn You experience a truly Chekhovian moment when you witness a devout couple praying over the grave of their atheist son. It won't affect you much, though.
  • Aquarius There are many people who claim they'd rather be fishing, but you seem to actually mean it.
  • Pisces You will experience inner turmoil after reading way too much into a statement filled with vague, undefined terms.