Horoscope for the week of October 13, 2004

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Aries Your lack of life experience will become apparent this week when you propose a new ice-cream flavor based on the smooth, subtle taste of the vanilla bean.

Taurus Your stunning handbag and shoe lines will cause the other fashion houses to wonder why you even bother making dresses anymore.

Gemini Some say that to really know fried chicken, you have to have been raised in the South, which is a slap in the face to you, as you grew up in a KFC stockroom.

Cancer The greased-pig trick is a crass, sophomoric classic, but you'll raise it to an art form at Biosphere 2.

Leo You'll feel a lot better with warm clothes on your back and food in your stomach, proving that cannibalism has a couple things going for it.

Virgo Once again, the specter of war will dominate international news, preventing people the world over from learning how you made the world's largest apple pie.

Libra People don't keep statistics on things like being hit by dump trucks, but when they begin to, rest assured that your name will figure prominently.

Scorpio People say you lack the intensity and vision to rise above your own mediocrity, but you don't really see the problem with that.

Sagittarius You've done everything in your power to destroy ignorance among your fellow humans, but apparently, one of them is still dumb enough to marry Billy Joel.

Capricorn You'll be surprised when federal agents are able to obtain a warrant only hours after your children's book hits the shelves.

Aquarius For a moment, the stars will seem to take the shape of God, but onlookers will agree that God would not manifest Himself just to call you filthy names.

Pisces You may have started looking forward to your own death, but trust the Zodiac—it'll be no picnic.

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Horoscope for the week of October ... » (October 20, 2004)

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