Horoscope for the week of October 29, 2003

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Aries Unfortunately, the depressed economy and reduced demand for the service will force you to once again scale back the price of your mustache rides.

Taurus Your desire to join the winning team will take you in a strange new direction when you decide to fight on the side of lung cancer.

Gemini It turns out that there are indeed mountains high enough and valleys low enough to keep you from your love.

Cancer You'll be the latest victim of the five-year unrest between the lower-woodwind and string sections of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra.

Leo You will fail to inspire either fear or loyalty, in spite of the iron hand that you used in organizing the hayride.

Virgo The last members of your extended family will die of leprosy, putting a stop to the stream of interestingly stained hand-me-downs.

Libra You weren't aware that you could go to hell for wearing the wrong pants, but then you saw it in the Old Testament

Scorpio Your desire for further intellectual growth will be stunted when all of your questions about Aquaman are answered.

Sagittarius There's an old superstition that the Devil won't come for a person who has to finish the Lord's work, but that's no reason not to do your dishes.

Capricorn Your career opportunities will become somewhat more limited when, for the third year in a row, you flunk out of the School Of Hard Knocks.

Aquarius Although your enemies have taken back their "screw you" statement, you might want to make a point of being extra considerate to the horse you rode in on.

Pisces Don't worry about politics so much. From time to time, the tree of liberty must be watered with the blood of idiots.

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Horoscope for the week of November ... » (November 5, 2003)

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