Aries Reviews will claim you have "reinvented the coming-of-age story" and "singlehandedly raised the bar for first novels," but you don't recall doing anything.
Taurus Though the theory behind your genetically enhanced egg-frying/toast-making humanoid is sound, it is an inelegant solution to a nonexistent problem.
Gemini After spending countless hours in career counseling in an effort to identify the color of your parachute, the damn thing will fail to open.
Cancer After weeks of pleading, the powers-that-be will grant your wish to be humanity's liaison to the fish, just to shut you up.
Leo Urban legends allude to babysitters microwaving babies, but they leave out important stuff like cooking times.
Virgo The world is not ready for your way of thinking. Nor will it ever be while sensible men run the dental-supply industry.
Libra The stars have announced a recall on all '66-'79 Libras. Please report to the nearest Libra service center.
Scorpio You aren't sure where you got the idea to start your own business as a catbather, but you have to admit it's pretty stupid.
Sagittarius You will defy all conventional wisdom when you take a long leap without looking, but not without hesitating slightly first.
Capricorn Your wacky plan to choose stocks using a monkey with a dartboard backfires when the damn thing turns out to have an M.B.A. from Harvard.
Aquarius The moon is indeed rising in your sign, but no one can figure out what to do with it at the moment. Just enjoy the pretty moon for a while.
Pisces As long as people continue to ignore the lessons of history, there's always a chance that you will one day find love.
0