Aries There's trouble in your romantic life, but don't worry: If it were as easy as tying them up until they agreed to love you forever, everyone would be doing it.
Taurus Okay, okay, you have the blues. But that's no reason to yell and play that damn guitar on the street all day long.
Gemini Nothing can stop the terrible aching loneliness you feel inside. Try going outside and see if it gets any better.
Cancer God has been hard on you, but He has great plans for your future. He wants you to open a really good sub shop.
Leo Your life will finally be complete when your web site is ranked the third most popular in your hometown.
Virgo Your eerie hallucinations still aren't going away. Perhaps these "policemen" and "doctors" are real, and the Magical Axe Fairy is the imaginary one, after all.
Libra Neptune rising in your sign means that foreign grain markets are depressed in early trading this week. The stars can be very precise when they want to be.
Scorpio Avoid people who tell you the truth can be found in mystic, sky-borne patterns.
Sagittarius Light and water magicks are strong in Sagittarius this week, meaning you will probably find yourself face down in the fountain at Caesar's Palace again.
Capricorn Somehow, you won't be able to let yourself trust the knife-throwing maniac at your office. Just give it time.
Aquarius Remember, the respect of your peers isn't something that can be bought or sold. So it's probably not all that important.
Pisces You will become attuned to the powerful vibrations of the universe next Tuesday, covering dozens of bystanders in blood and gore as you convulse to bits.
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