How Will Michigan Rebound In 2009?

Following a terrible 3-9 outing in 2008, Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez desperately needs the football team to win in 2009. What are the Wolverines doing to improve?

• No longer complaining that the blue-colored jerseys are too heavy
• Really hoping true freshman quarterback Tate Forcier hits that growth spurt before the first game
• Making sure to call roster filled with mediocre players "depth"
• Praying no one notices games scheduled against Ohio Tech and Nichigan State
• No more sundae bar on sidelines
• Have stopped recruiting guys just because they like the name Brandon
• To build confidence and provide core strength, permitting players to have knees on ground for push-ups
• Just keep in mind that the Champs Sports Bowl is a good bowl, too, okay?
• Senior punter Zoltan Mesko needs to keep doin' his thang
• No matter what, don't lose to Michigan, because they're a decrepit has-been shell of—oh right