Poll

How Would You Like To Die?

January 26, 2012 | ISSUE 48•04

Back to story: Scientists: 'Look, One-Third Of The Human Race Has To Die For Civilization To Be Sustainable, So How Do We Want To Do This?'

  • Tied to a cinder block and dropped into the body of water of your choice
  • Have neck broken by actress Connie Britton
  • Someone tells you to turn around, but nobody is there. The same voice tells you to turn back around, but before you can, you are shot in the stomach five times
  • Subjected to a series of grueling medical experiments used to cure world diseases, after which, if you survive, you are immediately stabbed to death
  • Poisoned by carbon monoxide while sitting in a large bus filled with your friends

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