WASHINGTON—Upon entering the Walter E. Johnson Convention Center Monday, attendees of the 2012 International AIDS Conference were reportedly treated to free gift bags full of top-notch AIDS gear. “Man, they gave us some really sweet AIDS stuff this year,” immunologist Dr. Scott Fletcher, 41, told reporters as he held up his awesome new AIDS schwag, which consisted of an AIDS lanyard, an AIDS coffee mug, an AIDS t-shirt, and a complimentary AIDS iTunes gift card. “I needed a new case for my phone anyway, so now that I have this AIDS hard-shell iPhone protector, I guess I won’t have to go out and buy one myself.” At press time, no one was paying attention to the keynote address being delivered by former President Bill Clinton, as they were too busy unwrapping their free AIDS Nintendo DS consoles.