International Olympic Medal Incentives

WInning the gold in international amateur competition is its own reward, but participating nations have found other ways to show their appreciation.

• North Korea: Winners will receive, um, this chunk of wood over here, and this busted remote control, and, what's that over there? A radio dial? Yeah, some sort of radio dial.
• Morocco: Pretty simple. Samir Azzimani, the lone athlete representing Morocco, either wins or has his head chopped off
• USA: Winners receive a week of adulation, get interviewed on a late-night talk show or two, appear in a few terrible commercials, and then fade into obscurity until their Olympic records are mentioned in their obituaries
• Norway: All any Norse competitor worth his salt really wants is an even taller mountain to ski down
• Sweden: Government is unable to realistically offer athletes anything that would make their lives better than just sitting back and living in Sweden
• Germany: Awarded one of the nation's 50 annual smiles
• Texas: Huge belt buckle with words "I SHOWED THEM AMERICANS" in rhinestones
• Belarus: Authority to govern the voblast of their choice, whether it be Brest Voblast, Gomel Voblast, Grodno Voblast, Mogilev Voblast, Minsk Voblast, or even Vitebsk Voblast
• China: Fresh pile of straw for cramped Olympian pen
• Poland: Free tickets to 2010 Winter Olympics