0INTERNET HEADQUARTERS—Speaking on behalf of the overburdened World Wide Web, Internet representatives announced Monday that all Sunday e-mail service would be discontinued as part of a new cost-cutting measure. "Any correspondence sent after 11:59 p.m. on Saturday will now be delivered by noon on Monday," Internet spokeswoman Sharon Jervis said. "Users should expect further delays during national holidays or on days affected by adverse weather conditions." Jervis added that, starting Mar. 30, all e-mail attachments will also be charged by weight.
More News in Brief
Everyone Forgets To Bring Swimsuits To Coworker’s Party
'What Are The Odds?' Pasty, Flabby Colleagues Say
ARLINGTON, TX—While gathered for a party at a coworker’s backyard pool Saturday, out-of-shape colleagues at Shuster, Layne & Associates were struck by the coincidence ...
Coworker Who Went To Gym This Morning A Chipper Little Fucker
BROOKLYN, NY—Running his hands through his freshly showered hair while hanging his backpack on the back of his chair, unbearably chipper little motherfucker Dave ...
Call From Daycare Can't Be Good
HARRISBURG, PA—Speculating that the rest of her day will now definitely take a turn for the worse, local mother Nicole Mendlow confirmed Friday that ...
