Due to a misprint, the brainteaser in Sunday's issue was unsolvable. The Onion apologizes to anyone who was driven irreversibly mad.
The Onion apologizes for its failure to meet the oh-so-high editorial standards of a genius such as yourself.
The headline of Tuesday's article about homegrown terrorism was not as alarmist as it could have been.
After defending Cindy for years, The Onion finally realized she’s no good. You were right.