All of America is talking about comedian Ellen DeGeneres, whose television character on ABC's Ellen may reveal herself to be a lesbian this season. What do you think?

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  Ellen DeGeneres? More like Ellen Degenerate, if you ask me!

  Alison Landsman
  Bank Manager

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  I've suspected her character was gay ever since that episode where she ferociously ate out that secretary.

  Don Steffens
  Limnologist

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  Thanks to Ellen and Melissa Etheridge, a valuable lesson has been learned: Gay people can be just as mediocre and untalented as straights.

  Kevin Byrne
  Receptionist

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  I think that whatever anyone does behind closed doors is his or her own business, unless the kangaroo's bleating keeps the neighbors up at night.

  Acker Bilk
  Systems Analyst

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  Everybody here at the ABC women's rugby team knows Ellen quite well, and I can assure you there's no truth to those rumors.

  Kelly Howe
  Groundskeeper

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  Forget Ellen—have you heard the rumor that that guy on Martin is a colored?

  Andy LaPointe
  Stockbroker