NASA scientists recently discovered a Martian rock that may contain the remains of ancient life, raising the distinct possibility that we are not alone in the universe. What do you think?

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  Life on Mars? That's nothing—you should see the hideous lifeform that just fell out of my wife.

  Herb Leuchtenberg
  Financier

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  As a 15th century peasant, I am frightened by this news. I must now go read Scripture by the light of a burning witch.

  Oliver Teufel
  Orthopedic Surgeon

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  Perhaps now we'll find that men truly are from Mars—and that women are from Venus.

  Karyn Orosco
  Psychologist

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  Earthman! You have violated the intergalactic codes of the Funk! I wanna see y'all put your hands together and get on up for the Mothership!

  James Santos
  Electrician

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  Any educated person should know a meteor in Antarctica is no proof of Martian life. It can only be the passed gallstone of Guntuska, mighty All-Father of the Skies.

  Patti Phelps
  Comptroller

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  This is another sign that the end is nigh. That's as good a reason as any to pork my cousin.

  Tim Backman
  Systems Analyst