BURBANK, CA—Despite having announced plans to retire as host of The Tonight Show in 2008, Jay Leno admitted yesterday that he was "having serious doubts" about leaving the TV show after coming across a recent news item in which a Georgia woman doused her philandering husband's groin in kerosene and set it aflame. The veteran comedian said the incident would provide a wealth of material for "many, many years to come." "Boy, talk about keeping your marriage exciting," said Leno, who claimed he had already assigned 19 of his top writers to the story. "It's John Wayne Bobbitt all over again—crotch violence set in the South. If I leave it for Conan [O'Brien], he'll just do two or three really good jokes and then drop it. What a waste." The victim, 32-year-old Kenny Garver of Athens, GA, was unavailable for comment due to the blistering third-degree burns covering 70 percent of his body.
More News in Brief
Everyone Forgets To Bring Swimsuits To Coworker’s Party
'What Are The Odds?' Pasty, Flabby Colleagues Say
ARLINGTON, TX—While gathered for a party at a coworker’s backyard pool Saturday, out-of-shape colleagues at Shuster, Layne & Associates were struck by the coincidence ...
Coworker Who Went To Gym This Morning A Chipper Little Fucker
BROOKLYN, NY—Running his hands through his freshly showered hair while hanging his backpack on the back of his chair, unbearably chipper little motherfucker Dave ...
Call From Daycare Can't Be Good
HARRISBURG, PA—Speculating that the rest of her day will now definitely take a turn for the worse, local mother Nicole Mendlow confirmed Friday that ...




0

