CHAPEL HILL, NC—Disgraced former senator and democratic presidential candidate John Edwards told reporters Friday that while he has no plans to run for president in 2016, he has nonetheless registered Edwards2016.com because "you never know." "I'm definitely not going to run—it's completely out of the question—but it never hurts to keep your options open," said Edwards, whose political career effectively ended after it was revealed that he had fathered a child with a former campaign worker while his wife was dying of breast cancer. "It's only 30 bucks, so I figured, why not? Better safe than sorry." According to Edwards, if he does run, which he adamantly stated he was not going to do, he's already got a few campaign slogan ideas he brainstormed "just for the hell of it."
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