WISCONSIN:

Russ Feingold (D) vs. Ron Johnson (R)

Barber:

  • Feingold: Tony's on Jefferson Avenue
  • Johnson: Wife cuts his hair

Position on taxes:

  • Feingold: Extend tax cuts for only bottom 90% of earners
  • Johnson: Extend tax cuts for 110% of earners

Position on Iraq:

  • Feingold: Insufferably verbose
  • Johnson: Eerily silent

Folksy Hook:

  • Feingold: Knows a lot about sports
  • Johnson: Built his business from the ground up

Stance on Abortion:

  • Feingold: Like all Democrats, believes that women should visit their abortionist for regular checkups twice a year
  • Johnson: Opposed, but believes you have every right to gun down a fetus that willfully trespasses onto your private property

Position on Gun Rights:

  • Feingold: Too scared to voice true opinion on Second Amendment while standing next to Ron Johnson at debate lectern
  • Johnson: Answers all questions by firing his rifle once for "yes" and twice for "no"