NEW YORK—Detectives from the New York Police Department confirmed that a list of demands received Wednesday from the abductors of 14-year-old Julia Weatherford, the daughter of multimillionaire financier Austin Weatherford, only make sense given the state of the nation’s economy. “The kidnappers promise to release Julia in exchange for $6,000 to pay for a few months’ rent and groceries, as well as a monthly subway pass and a warm parka for a 10-year-old boy, which considering the state of things, isn’t entirely unreasonable,” investigator Mike Brumm told reporters. “In a booming economy, sure, we’re used to hostage-takers asking for bearer bonds and helicopters. But these individuals said they’d be happy if we just gave them the name of a good, affordable mechanic and any toys our kids don’t play with anymore.” The Weatherford family confirmed their intention to comply with the ultimatum, adding that they’d probably toss in a $100 Outback Steakhouse gift card so the perpetrators “can have a nice night out.”
More News With Video
Nation Just Wants To Be Safe, Happy, Rich, Comfortable, Entertained At All Times
Also Healthy, Fulfilled, Successful, and Loved
WASHINGTON—In a new report released Wednesday by the Pew Research center, Americans indicated that when it comes to what they expect from their country ...
Economists: People Who Paint Selves Silver And Pretend To Be Statues Make Average Of $10 Million Per Year
CAMBRIDGE, MA—Economists at Harvard University released a new study this week indicating that Americans who paint themselves silver and pretend to be statues in ...
FBI Offering $1 Million Reward For Any Information On Cheetahs
WASHINGTON—The FBI is asking any Americans with information about the eating habits, top speed, fighting abilities, or other general-interest knowledge of cheetahs to contact ...



67

