In Tuesday's article on self-defense, The Onion incorrectly reported the location of the "kill spot." It is actually 3 inches to the left, and 1 inch below, the right nipple.
The Onion apologizes for its failure to meet the oh-so-high editorial standards of a genius such as yourself.
The headline of Tuesday's article about homegrown terrorism was not as alarmist as it could have been.
After defending Cindy for years, The Onion finally realized she’s no good. You were right.