30SWAINSBORO, GA—Buford Anderson, a member of the Swainsboro chapter of the Ku Klux Klan, struggled to find a way to blame blacks for his wicked hangover Monday. "I believe the Nigra [sic] has conspired to hang me over with alcohol, even if I can't rightly prove it just at this moment," said Anderson, who had consumed a fifth of Jim Beam whiskey the previous night. "I done called the Jim Beam hotline to see if any of the board of directors is of the colored persuasion, but so far I'm inconclusive." Last December, Anderson blamed the "Jew-run media" for a paper cut sustained while reading TV Guide.
More News in Brief
Nation Currently More Sympathetic To Demise Of Planet Krypton Than Plight Of Syria
WASHINGTON—According to a national poll conducted by the Pew Research Center Monday, the vast majority of Americans are currently more concerned about the demise ...
New Documentary To Finally Shed Light On Nation’s Fast Food Chains
WASHINGTON—Americans across the country expressed their excitement Wednesday over the upcoming release of Value Meal, a feature-length documentary that will, at long last, shed ...
After One Realizes Methadone Clinic Nearby, Behavior Around City Block Makes Sense
NEW YORK—Though he was once confused by the number of frail, seemingly mentally unstable people concentrated around the Houston and Broadway area of Manhattan ...
