31SWAINSBORO, GA—Buford Anderson, a member of the Swainsboro chapter of the Ku Klux Klan, struggled to find a way to blame blacks for his wicked hangover Monday. "I believe the Nigra [sic] has conspired to hang me over with alcohol, even if I can't rightly prove it just at this moment," said Anderson, who had consumed a fifth of Jim Beam whiskey the previous night. "I done called the Jim Beam hotline to see if any of the board of directors is of the colored persuasion, but so far I'm inconclusive." Last December, Anderson blamed the "Jew-run media" for a paper cut sustained while reading TV Guide.
More News in Brief
Ahmadinejad Signs On As Dean At Sarah Lawrence
BRONXVILLE, NY—Building on a decades-long career serving government and academic institutions in his home country, outgoing Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad officially accepted a position ...
Nation Admits It Always A Little Bored By Whole Jimmy Hoffa Thing
‘Why Is This Fascinating Again?’ Populace Asks
DETROIT—Following reports today that a new tip has prompted a renewed FBI search for the body of Jimmy Hoffa, the U.S.
Syrian Rebels, Government Think It’s About Time To Call Syria A Day
DAMASCUS—Two years into a devastating civil war that has left nearly 100,000 dead, caused incalculable destruction, and all but ruined the prospects of ...
